Who Keeps The Engagement Ring When The Relationship Breaks?

I seem to be hearing lots of debate at the moment about what should happen to engagement rings when a relationship breaks up. Should the wearer keep the ring, or should it be returned to the person who paid for it?

Some say that an engagement ring is an unconditional gift, and that a woman is not obliged to return it if the engagement is broken. It is like any other gift, which once given belongs to the person who has received it - no matter how much it cost, or how upset the person who paid for it is!

However, there are those that believe an engagement ring is not like any other gift, but is actually conditional upon the marriage of the two partners. Therefore, if the marriage doesn't take place, the ring should be returned to the person who gave and paid for it.

In the US, the law regarding this subject varies between states. Some, such as New York, treat the engagement ring as a conditional gift, whereas others, such as Montana, believe a gift is a gift, and it's tough luck if the relationship doesn't work out!

There are those that believe that the person who calls off the engagement is the one who forfeits any right to the engagement ring. However, this is getting into murky territory as relationship break-ups are never straight forward in terms of blame and responsibility, so the person who actually calls off the engagement may not necessarily be the person responsible for the break up in terms of their behaviour.

I personally think that there is no black and white answer to the question of who should keep the engagement ring. What may be right for one couple, will not be for another. For example, in the case of one party behaving very badly, such as having an affair or affairs, i think they should forfeit any right to the ring, and the innocent party should at least benefit in some way from either selling the ring or having the satisfaction of throwing it into the sea! In a 'friendly' break up situation, the ring wearer may decide it is fair to return the ring, or the two of them may decide to sell it and give the money to charity, for example.

If a woman has behaved badly towards her partner, and insists on keeping the ring for either financial reasons or simply because she likes the piece of jewellery, then this, i believe, is unforgivable. She should return the ring!